Friday, April 2, 2010

Eating Out Mr. Greenjeans

Okay, so he’s really hella dead. So it’d be more like eating old grandpa jerky. Gross right? So instead we’re going to take a cue from a friend of EOF Kattra and attempt a…oh god…I think I might have yarfed a little in my gob. A vegetarian recipe. Oh god! I’m sorry, I’ve gotta empty my sorrow into my porcelain Lord.

Ok! Upbeat again. So vegetarian right? Well crap, I guess I do have a bunch of farm fresh produce, I can turn out at least one semi vegetarian meal. But god damn it, I’m keeping my butter you bloody hippies! You can use your precious olive oil instead… Grumpily moving on.

Veg-gasm time!! We’re gonna make ourselves a tomato vegetable pasta soup with friggin barley! Cuz grains is good.

EOF Veg-gasm Tomater Veg Soup

1.5 pints canned or concassed tomatoes
2 cups water
2 table spoons unsalted butter
1 cup finely minced leeks
3 ribs celery chopped
4 medium carrots chopped
3 stalks of baby garlic minced (or 2 cloves)
6 fresh sage leaves ripped a new one by hand
1 table spoon dry oregano
1 table spoons fresh thyme
1 big pinch cayenne pepper
3 table spoons of violated parsley leaves
¼ cup barley
2 cups sliced zucchini (Italian sausage…SHHHH!!!)
2 bay leaves
¼ lb shell pasta
1 squeeze o’ lemon
Salt and pepper to taste (catching onto a theme here?)

Prep: Cut up shit like I said. You’re golden.

Firstly firstingham. You drop your butter in the soup pot, let it foam up a wee bit and add your minced leek. Cook until translucent and add your baby garlic. Cook for another minute, then add your carrots and celery and/or sundry hard, rigid veg. At the same time, have a food processor on standby and beat the living shit out of those tomatoes. Feel free to add half of your herbs and all of the parsley at this stage to be beaten into a horrible red slurry of yum. Hey, this is how the big boys make their tomato sauce. Keep up!

 So we’re beating our tomatoes for all the world to see. Then take your tomato whip and run it through a strainer. Get all the thyme twigs and machine missed tomato skins stained out, mash everything else past the wires and on top of your hot veg in the pot. Once all the tomatoes are mashed in, toss in your bay leaves and the remainder of your herbs and spices along with the barley and that squeezy lemon, then set to a simmer. Allow to slowly cook down for at least a half hour, adding water as necessary to maintain the consistency of the soup.

At this point sauté the “zucchini” in a little butter and dill. Once they’re just a little under done, toss the slices into the soup as well. For green zucchini, do it close to the end of cooking, for “meat” zucchini, much earlier. And for a more meaty taste, just add some fennel and paprika. Once the barley is al dente, add in the remainder of the water and the pasta and bring to a low simmer. Once the pasta is done, so is dinner!

So there you go. Eating Out Fresno turned out a vegetarian recipe with local ingredients and not so much as a whimper….ok more like a random substitution of zucchini for Italian sausage and some goat cheese on top. But what can I say? I love cylinders in my tomato and the randy smell of goat in my nose. All day.  Besides, zukes aren't in season yet.  But pigs totally are.

And with that we drift slowly off the cliff. With a sultry wave we bid you adieu, auf wiedersehen and who the hell stole my pants? Pants don’t go with soup! But an Irish soda bread with walnuts sure would.



  1. So where's the recipe for the soda bread with walnuts? ;)

    Thanks so very much!!! That soup sounds awesome!! When we get back from Australia we are totally going to make it!!!

    again, I really appreciate you taking the time!!

    Almost makes me want to start a blog on all my experiments with turning meat and fat filled dishes into nummy veggie and diet friendly meals!

    Once again, THANKS!!!!!!


  2. Glad it was up your alley Kat! :D I'll make sure to toss up the soda bread recipe here pretty quick. And congrats on the Aussie vacation! An old Eve chum from there was the one who got me started drinking wine. So in the spirit of friendship, I have to recommend that you check out the Aussie wines. I likes me some Rosemount Estates.

    And blogging can be fun! So far I'm getting a huge kick out of it. And definitely must thank you and all my readers for putting up with my rants culinaire. :)


  3. We love soups, and it will get us to try a new veggie! I've never eaten leeks before (I must also confess to not using fresh herbs very often...) Oh and what are "concassed" tomatoes?

    Looking forward to your soda bread recipe and I love this blog, you are hilarious as usual!!

    Thanks and keep 'em coming!