Eating Out A Wee Peek

Yes, I’m a naughty, wicked boy. I peeked. I guess I’m supposed to feel guilty, but the only bummer was getting caught. But oh, if you could have felt that sticky warm sense of happiness and gratitude when I realized that the postman had dropped off a rather pregnant looking Airmail envelope. Whatever could this be? Return address says New South Wales, Australia. Wait…NEW South Wales? The same one where stoner pepper maniac Neil of The Hippy Seed Company resides? EEEEEEE! This moment is even sweeter than when I accepted my tiara as Homecoming Economics Queen. Christmas is so much sweeter when it comes early! Besides, it’s not really cheating, I can’t start germinating until around January. Some of these are known to take up to 6 weeks to germinate! And so much to do! Soil to amend and sterilize, space to be cleared, heating and lighting setups to be figured out, a cat defensive perimeter to be devised. Thankfully I’m avoiding gadget fever and so super sexy metal halide megalights just aren’t on my radar. I just want to get them sprouted and stable enough to get them potted and let the oppressive Fresno sun do it’s UV radiation mojo. But onto the stars of our (hopefully) bountiful upcoming pepper garden!

We got Bhut Jolokias! The original big name of superhots that have intrigued me to the point of near obsession. Trust me, ask anyone about my Peter Peppers, I’m worse than folks with their first child. These are notoriously difficult to germinate and are reputed to not be terribly strong producers. But I figure even 1 or two should be enough for some emergency room quality comedy. And considering how I lost my dignity the other night attempting to make a chili eater vid with a green PP, I expect to be a mewling blob of pain should I deign to eat part of one raw.

Next up is the Bih Jolokia. A kissing cousin of the Bhut, with a similar, deadly, level of tooth melting heat. According to the biology paper posted on THSC, they’re distinct in that the Bih is a better producer and seems to be somewhat easier to grow. I hope that they’ll be a nice backup in case that the Bhuts live up to their reputation for difficulty.

Another of the Indian peppers we got is the Dorset Naga of the Naga Morich family. Rather than the Ghost Chili appellation of the Bhuts (which is apparently the result of a misspelling anyway), the folks of Nagaland where these originate from made damn sure that they got credit for their demonic dirt gems. Very much on par with the above peppers in heat. Although in almost all live descriptions of the flavor, the most I get from the tasters is; “Fruity…HOThothothotHAWT!” But they should come out all bumpy and nifty looking. Maybe I can convince my jelly friends to help me make a weapons grade marmalade!

And now we leap across the supercontinent over to the Caribbean. The funny thing is that these are all still cousins with the Indian peppers, capsicum Chinese. Starting off with the meanest, we’ve got the Trinidad Scorpion, so named for the curled stinger shape of the point of the pod (and their country of origin of course). From all I’ve seen in the pepper tests, this one seems to be the most painful and feared of the pepper types. Chili powder, here we come!

Then we’ve got the 7 pots, sometimes known as 7 pods. The story goes that these living cinders are so hot that you can use one of them to season at least 7 pots of stew (or the Carib equivalent). So we got some of the 7pot Jonah variety, mostly because I’m hoping that a more “bred up” version of the pepper will be a hearty producer. We’ll see soon enough.

Also we got the 7pot Douglah, otherwise known as the Chocolate 7pot, since they turn a deep purplish brown as they mature. This is another that is reputed to be hotter than hot ever hoped to be on it’s best day with a coke hardon. I guess THSC’s are a strain developed by some folks called Alphanerdz, which I think is pretty awesome since I’ll be growing a fairly new subspecies and hopefully helping to spread it to other chili fans after the season.

Haaaaabaneros! Nummy, burny and mean, these be. And we’ve got the exclusive THSC Red Savina Habanero pepper. Rated at up to 580,000 scovilles, it’s around half as hot as the hottest Bhuts and Nagas, but it’s also about double the heat of the average habanero. Pain by exponents. Not only did I go for these because of their heat, but also their impressively deep, red of the pods will add some striking color to the garden.

Next door to these we’ve got the Chocolate Habaneros. While not quite as hot at the Savina, these are still about half-again as hot as your average Habs. And given some of the reactions I’ve seen on the chili tests, this one has a rather special type of burn that comes at you sideways. I’m pondering smoking these and figuring out how to make an adobo style sauce for them for the most evil chipotle you’ve ever conceived.

The one I’ve been most excited about making hot sauces with would have to be the Fatali. Still in the Habanero category, it tends to grow in a more traditional pepper shape and ripens to a vibrant yellow color. Don’t mistake these bad boys for a Hungarian Wax though! Even though they’re not full fledged superhots, they still reside in that nebulous area between the pedestrian concept of hot and the nutjob version of eating pepper spray. These are reputed to have one of the most pleasant flavors for the pain endured.

Another of the flavor favorites is the Bonda Ma Jaques. What? The French colonized the fuck outta the Caribbean. This is also a Hab cousin and seems fairly closely related to the Fatali as well. Almost anywhere I’ve snooped about hot peppers and cooking, the Bonda has come up as a pleasure to eat. So I’m hoping that I’ll be posting bondage humor themed recipes of spiciness ad naseum. Smack My Chix Up, Bonda flavored chicken fingers with a creamy ebil Chocolate Hab chipotle aioli. Oh yes, spring can’t come fast enough!

And our one and only prevarication from the Chinese variety of capsicums, the Aji Lemon, which is instead a baccatum. What is that difference? Hell if I know. But they appear to be prolific in South America, this Aji coming from Peru. You know it has to be tasty, after all it’s got to, all that coca chewing has got to be hell on the taste buds! This one is off of the superhot radar, but instead lives up to it’s name in more than color and is supposed to have a nice citrus overtone to the flesh. This is the one I’m lining up for some spicy shrimp and other fish dishes. Plus, it’ll also add some nice color contrast to all of those reds, oranges and browns

Plus we got extras!! Who doesn’t love pleasant surprises? And we got two of them! The first was an additional baggy of 10 seeds with a Nagabon tag, but a personal note from the Lead Hippy himself saying that there are 9 Scotch Bonnet seeds and 1 more Bih Jolokia. W00t!! I’ve always been in love with the nifty shape of the Bonnet, but as you’ve seen, I’m up to my eyeballs in species! But it’s a delight to have too many awesome peppers to wrap my head around growing, plus the fun in figuring out which of the 10 seeds was the Bih. And the other, I’m presuming is an additional stocking stuff from our superawesome Bay Area Momma. A packet of black pepper, called Pepper Pepper. At first I thought that they were simply emphasizing the regular nature of the piper nigum, until I looked at the ingredients and saw that the peppercorns are infused with capsaisin! That’ll heat up your Cobb salad something fierce! I’m going to have to get a separate peppermill to keep from burning up Mrs. EOF.

And so there we are! A naughty preview of Christmas joy. And you didn’t even have to wake up early to the sounds of squalling children and clean up 12 acres of wrapping paper while resisting the urge to garrote your Uncle for getting the kids the “loud toy”. And I’ve got the vaguest idea of how much planning I’ve got ahead of me for spring. 12 new species of chili, plus my Peter Pepper project to sow comedy peppers far and wide across Fresno. Next up will the Great Germination Project in January. We’ll get the superhots started first, since they’re notorious for being difficult late risers. Then hopefully we’ll get them transplanted and growing outside once the frosts are done. Given my issues this year with the heat stressing the plants into blossom loss, I want to take as much advantage of the milder spring days for growth and have them fruiting as we edge toward the 90’s rather than watch them struggle to grow and produce in the 100’s.

It’s a spicy ass Christmas! And I’m sure you can tell that I’m already over the moon about it 10 days too early. If you’re lucky, you too can have a badass Mom’n’law who’ll gift you with indulgences for your horticultural habit (and who was probably just relieved that I didn’t ask for nipple piercings again this year). The tone for my season is set. I’m on happiness cruise control until I can start digging around in the dirt and make a general mess of things. Well, and until Christmas dinner, where I’ll have brought my own pepper grinder for dinner and fully plan to giggle when curious family members simply must have a taste…

Happy Holidays dear readers! May you be happy, warm and full. General peace with family members is optional. Warm cockles extra. 20% gratuity for parties over 10 and $19 corkage fee. Mileage may vary.


-Pook

Eating Out Gardening Shenanigans

It hurts. Oh my god it hurts! 3 months ago, one of my pepper plants was putting out sweet, non-Fresno chile chumps…until, this morning, when I staggered my ass out for a bit of early morning gardening. Brimming with both piss and vinegar, I figure that I’ll have a snacky chuckle at my Fresno pepper plant’s sweet little pods while I jam out to some Zepplin.

Pride doth go before the fall does it not? SNAP! That first bite into, what is supposed to be a fairly warm pepper but have been nothing but sweet so far.

Great galloping asscrackers!! I ate a habanero sauce with pepper extract the day before on Chuckle’s show and I’d have kissed a festering baboon ass just to get this pain down to that level. Picture this…you have just woken up. You know you have drunk ogre stalking the house for the evening. But you wake up to dishes freshly done, an unwrecked house and said ogre, hacking and howling on the other side of the screen door, clutching half of a fresh green pepper and somehow trying to use 3 languages he doesn’t know to communicate that the pain is mind melting, yet the comedy of the situation is too funny not to laugh at one’s self.

In other interesting culinariosity, back on the Central Valley Buzz, beyond having some extremely hot hot sauce, there was naturally some cooking of my own going on. Having wrestled with some ideas during the weekend, in my usual fashion I decide to totally switch dishes the night before. Since I’ve been burning poor Chuck and the crew for almost a month straight, I figured it was time for something a little more soothing and cool.

And what’s cooler than cucumber sandwiches? I have no idea, being that I’ve never had them before. So that’s a perfect starter. But if it’s going to be canapés, then we’ll need a companion to round out the group. What to do? Let’s see, I do have this cookbook from the early 1900’s that has some incredibly odd dishes. And what do I find? But an anchovy and egg spread! And I sagely asked for a tin of the salty buggers just the other day.

The cucumber sandwiches are pretty straightforward. Take a packet of cream cheese that’s softened a bit. Toss in some minced garlic, some chopped fresh basil leaves, a little garlic some and some cracked black pepper. Make some toast point by cutting the crusts off some bread and slice into a triangular shape, then frying in a little butter until golden and toasty. Cut your cucumber in half and scoop out all of the seeds with a spoon, the slice thinly. Now you just assemble! Slap a layer of cream cheese on your toast points and then place a small fan of cucumber slices on top. And voila! English teatime is on.

The anchovy spread is easy peasy as well. Take about half a stick of softened butter, add garlic, paprika, anchovies and 2 egg yolks. Mash together until well combined and creamy. Assemble by smearing some on your toast points. And if you’re adventurous (or in my case careless) you can add some basil to this for another layer of flavor. They’re really quite nice and mild. You get a nice creamy mouth feel from the eggs as well as hints of salt and the sea from the anchovies, without it tasting like you’re eating bait. If you fear the tiny wee fishies, I’d say this is one of the least threatening ways to get introduced.

Both worked out quite tastily and were lovingly received. Especially, by the Ukulele King of the San Joaquin and South African ex-pat, Pieter Moerdyk. Who also stepped up to try the After Death hot sauce and was able to not only maintain his composure, but also sing a tune while I still felt like I was gargling the Sun. What a pimp!

So after the show we stopped in at the City Arts Galley for Boozestorming with Travis Sheridan. It’s a pretty interesting concept. First, everyone writes down a problem that they would like help solving. Then you grab and drink and wait for the fun to start. Then you sit down and are guided through a brainstorming session with absolute strangers while everyone enjoys cocktails and picks their brains for worthwhile solutions. It was a really great time and anyways, I’m a sucker for anything that lets me hang in a gallery with such beautiful art all around.

And so that brings us up to speed. The next personal culinary challenge is going to be coming up with an extra special dish for my baby niece’s first birthday party as well as sharing grill duty with the proud Papa. What oh what shall we come up with? Whatever it is, if it turns out well, you can be certain that I’ll be bragging about it here. Of course if it devolves into a messy disaster…that too shall be blogged about.


-Pook

Eating Out Nocturnal Soil Emissions

I love to garden at night. I know it’s an odd habit. But in my own bass akwards way, I’m staying up until when the old farmer would get up to do his work and passing out when he’d be coming in for that first cup of coffee from the Mrs.. The benefit being, that the plants get their water when it’s coolest so they’ve got their best shot at holding the water. With temps over 100 degrees, my poor garden has a hard time staying alive in their containers, much less putting out fruit. Except for the okra of course, they’ve thrown out some giant umbrella leaves and are just starting to hit their stride on pod production now that we’re back down to the 90’s.

And now that we’re out of the scorching range and back into a less stressful heat index, I’m hoping that my dormant Cherokee purple will grace us with more than the 2 fruit it has kicked down and the San Marzanos will make more than the 5 small ‘maters that have gotten to grace a couple salads. But should they fail I also have some Brandywines and a few Black Krim seedlings that I hope to grow out and get a late harvest from before we hit fog season.

And oh my poor peppers. Before I got my marigolds sprouted, there was a brief hornworm invasion. I had anticipated my tomatoes getting hit, but I never thought the nasty green snot rockets would go after my poor habanero and Peter Pepper plants! Those bastards work fast too! The plants hadn’t been left alone for more than 12 hours and I go out to see a green stick with some small leaves at the bottom sticking out of my habanero’s planter. And the hornworm didn’t even have the common courtesy to be of a large size! Maybe a quarter inch thick and two inches long. Hardly impressive considering the amount of foliage he’d taken of my plant.

So at this point I’m Nanook of the North sitting at a seal hole with his spear poised to strike. Except that my seal hole is my wee cluster of pepper plants in the back yard and my spear is a stinky hippy-sandal. I think word eventually got around, or the magic of marigolds finally kicked in, because I only found 3 more over as many days. I hit the two injured plants with some weekly fish emulsion feeds to boost the nitrogen in the soil and hopefully help them regain their lost leavery. And hosanna, it pays to listen to the brilliant hydroponic guy yammer on about horticulture. It took a couple days, but then wee buds started to appear up and down the gnawed stalks and tiny leaves started to push out to get their solar arrays back online. There’s still hope that I’ll have a home grown habanero before Halloween.

The Peter Peppers have survived the heat, but were dropping blossoms within a day or so of forming them. But the recent temperature drop has one of them currently holding 6 pods and still kicking out blossoms. So here’s hoping the mid 90’s will coax the remaining three into a more fertile state of being and I can get my hands on some more of these delightfully spicy wang shaped firecrackers. The first one was so good, I made sure to save and dry the seeds from it and I’ve currently got 10 of them brewing in some warm soil and praying for germination. My ultimate goal being to make sure that all of my gardening friends have some hilariously hard to explain fun in their backyard too.

The herbs have hung in strong in the heat. The only casualty was our dill tree, which succumbed to an infestation of wee white pimply bugs. So into the trash they went before they could spread their garden herpes to more precious plants. The thyme has stood up well to judicious snipping for meals. I wouldn’t call it flourishing, but it’s tasty. The chive forest is hanging tough, basil is a little pekid, but with judicious blossom smashing, it’s still kicking out some decent leaves. The oregano plants are seeming quite happy and have been throwing out blossoms. I should probably check and see if they will bolt to seed or if they survive their reproductive efforts. And the sage is still quite small, but I crowded the hell out of it. The leaves are quite pungent for their size though and worked nice with some pork chops the other night.

Ahh, night gardening. Stumbling in the dark in the ghetto with a headlamp on. Dragging jugs of rendered fish poop and blooming solutions. Trying to repot seedlings “quietly”. That adds an interesting wrinkle to your gardening routine. Trying to sneak around your own backyard like a low rent ninja, magically moving plants from small pots to big pots before the sun breaks the horizon. But hey, it’s cooler, more serene and nicely solitudeinous. Sometimes the neighborhood toad will even stop by for a visit. Too bad he’s not one of them lickin’ toads. Now THAT would have me gardening like clockwork every night!


-Pook